The Child called It- David
Briar Rose from Briar Rose- Becca
In a Poland airport
David’s mom had him away from the family again but this time outside. He was sitting on the grass so still that he was like a tree so he wouldn’t get in trouble. As he was alone he was thinking “I really need to get away before she kills me.” Then a local squirrel came down a tree the was there he was collecting nuts and stuff but had something odd in his mouth it was green. The squirrel didn’t notice him being all very quite and went near him. Then David had move and scarred the squirrel so he dropped all his nuts and the green thing in his mouth on the ground. David being curious he picked it up and to his surprise it was money, and he knew what he needed to do. He ran out of there so fast leaves were flying. He knew where the was an airport and decided he need to go before he died. He didn’t have too much money so he got the cheapest plain ticket and it was to Poland. And then he was off.
Becca was on her way to Poland to find out the truth about her grandma. As she reached the airport she got her stuff and waited to find her Poland translator in a big white area with lots of people and noise and lots of chairs. All of a sudden this boy who looked very out of shape and hurt came by. “Are you o.k.?” Beacca asked. “Oh who me?, No one ever asks about me?” David replied. “Well I am not no one, and I look like you are all alone and I wanted to see if I could help.” Becca said. David said scarcely “Well, ummm I guess I really do need help. You see I have an abusive mother and I ran away.” Becca was shocked and wanted to help so she said to him to sit down at the blue table near McDonalds and that they would get something to eat and they would talk some more.
Becca gave him a rest from talking so he could eat, and he was stuffing his face wit food and she could tell he hadn’t eaten in days. He had said, in between the bites, “So why is such a nice lady like you doing in Poland?” “Well I am in search of my grandmothers past.” Becca said trying to help get his mind off of his troubles. “My grandmother died not too long ago and she had always told me this story and it was about this princesses and got put under a deep sleep and then a prince kiss her awake.” David nodded to assure her that he was listening. “When she died she left this box with pictures and newspaper stuff inside. She had told me that in the story the girls name was Briar Rose and she said that she was her, I decided to take up this opportunity to have an adventure and find out the truth, “Is she a real princesses?” David stopped and was very interested in what was going on with her life and wanted to know more, it was like a movie, but only this was real and not made up and he wanted to find out the ending. If he was to just walk back out of Becca’s life again then it would be like leaving in the middle of a movie and he didn’t want to. He asked “Do you think that maybe you could help me more and take me with you. I never had much of and adventurous life and I have nothing else to do?, Please, I don’t know what else to do with myself now after escaping the pain form my mom.” Becca felt bad for David and decided she would make a little boys’ dream and help him out. “Yes” Becca replied.
As they finished the talk Becca found her translator and they left on an adventure to find the truth, with her new friend.
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Good job!
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ReplyDeleteMy personal reaction to the story is that David’s character is very sad. And that Rebecca is a very nice character. It seems like she cares a lot for people, and will help anyone that looks like they’re in need. Although it doesn’t quite remind me of anything in my life.
ReplyDeleteThe conversation didn’t totally seem realistic, because, well I haven’t read either of those books or anything, but I mean would someone really ask if they could tag along? And would someone let them? I mean, it just doesn’t seem like people are that kind and friendly in real life.
My favorite part of the story is “Oh who me?, No one ever asks about me?” Because I could picture what someone’s’ face would look like with that response. I picture them having a really shocking and surprised face on.
One thing I found distracting or problematic, would be that the dialogue was all together in one paragraph, and it was very hard to follow. There were a couple of spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, but there wasn’t much other than that.
One thing you might want to consider in future pieces of writing is using the words “stuff” or “thing”. Because, it just doesn’t sound very descriptive, and just doesn’t sound right to me in a sentence. Other than those few things, I really liked your essay.
Good Job!
I was trying to leave my story open in case I wanted to continue it later.
ReplyDeleteThat is the only reason it might have seemed to stop ubruptly. Also, the problem was whether or not Junior would even get accepted to train there. When he got accepted the problem got solved, so yea it left the readers hanging a little, but the problem got solved just like it is supposed to.
the story was obviously a little sad. I like the element of bringing these two people together, especially when one of them needs the other's help. Personally, I'm a big dialog person. The advancement of the speech and understanding between the characters would be nice for me, but the story hardly needs it. I really liked the story, but a little more vocabulary could really spice it up.
ReplyDeletegood job!! ^^